Dating Games: Yes or No?

Do you play dating games? You’re not the only one! While many of us feel guilty about playing games (such as waiting to return calls or acting disinterested), others insist it’s the only way.  Tarcher consulted the experts -  psychiatrist and neuroscientist Amir Levine, M.D., and social-organizational psychologist Rachel Heller, the authors of Attached- to get the answer once and for all.

When out on a date, expressing your needs early on is key to finding the right match. Game-playing is something that many avoidants resort to naturally as a way to keep you at a distance. If you go along with this strategy even though what you truly crave is consistency and stability, you may end up attracting someone who doesn’t feel comfortable with being too close.

There’s nothing wrong with wearing your heart on your sleeve by saying “I need someone who’s there for me and that I can rely on” or “my parents were always very close to each other. That’s what I’m looking for in a relationship.” The response will speak volumes as to your partner’s ability to address your needs now and in the future.

Think about it: if you were interviewing people to fill in a position at work, would you ask indirect questions and avoid asking crucial ones just so they will take the job? Now think about this position that you’re trying to fill. It’s probably the most crucial one in your life

Learn more about attachment theory and how it can help you understand the maze of dating in Attached.
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and watch our episode of Tarcher Talks with author Dr. Amir Levine: