HOW TO: Reconnect with Your Spouse by Amir Levine, author of ATTACHED.
People often vow to make their relationships better around Valentines Day. This usually entails elaborate plans, expensive gifts and extravagant dates and getaways. Couples try to “spice things up” with sexy lingerie or exotic vacations, but the results are short-lived at best or downright disappointing at worst. And to top it all off, they spend a lot of hard-earned money in the process.
With such high expectations from one event, it is no wonder we can’t live up to the hopes and fantasies we created around them. Instead, try reconnecting with your partner in a much more economic and effective way, every day. Scientific findings reveal different and much simpler strategies that are more likely to bring you the results you’re looking for.
Here are some very simple tips that can help you rekindle your love—and keep it that way.
- Sit at the corner table at a restaurant. Find a way to spend some time super-close to your partner—so close that you’re touching. Research findings shows that when we snuggle up to our mate, oxytocin is released. This hormone and neuropeptide, also termed the “cuddle hormone” strengthens attachment and trust. By being really close to your partner, you’re getting your oxytocin boost—and you’re enhancing your relationship all at the same time. Other ways to get that oxytocin boost:
- When you’re watching TV together, give the recliner seat a pass and snuggle up close to your partner on the sofa instead.
- Linger in bed a bit longer on Sunday mornings. The ipad can wait. Your emails are beckoning, but give everything else a pass for just a few minutes longer. Trust us, this is more important!
- Spend at least two hours alone together every a week. It really doesn’t matter where. The important part is that you have no distractions—kids, technology, or work. Paradoxically, the more secure you feel in a relationship, the more you should follow this tip because it’s easier to lose track of one another when all’s well and your attention is directed outwards: to work, children, and hobbies. Don’t forget to refill that well you’re drawing your vitality from.